School penalizes students for hugs, high-fives

Strict no-contact rule, meant to stem violence, has some pushing for change

Updated: 6:40 p.m. ET June 18, 2007

VIENNA, Va. - A rule against physical contact at a Fairfax County middle school is so strict that students can be sent to the principal's office for hugging, holding hands or even high-fiving.

Unlike some schools in the Washington area, which ban fighting or inappropriate touching, Kilmer Middle School in Vienna bans all touching — and that has some parents lobbying for a change.

Hugging was Hal Beaulieu's crime when he sat next to his girlfriend at lunch a few months ago and put his arm around her shoulder. He was given a warning, but told that repeat missteps could lead to detention.

"I think hugging is a good thing," said Hal, a seventh-grader. "I put my arm around her. It was like for 15 seconds. I didn't think it would be a big deal."

But at a school of 1,100 students that was meant to accommodate 850, school officials think some touching can turn into a big deal. They've seen pokes lead to fights, gang signs in the form of handshakes or girls who are uncomfortable being hugged but embarrassed to say anything.

"You get into shades of gray," Kilmer Principal Deborah Hernandez said. "The kids say, 'If he can high-five, then I can do this.' "

Hernandez said the no-touching rule is meant to ensure that all students are comfortable and crowded hallways and lunchrooms stay safe. She said school officials are allowed to use their judgment in enforcing the rule. Typically, only repeat offenders are reprimanded.

'Making out goes too far'
But such a strict policy doesn't seem necessary to 13-year-old Hal and his parents, who have written a letter to the county school board asking for a review of the rule. Hugging is encouraged in their home, and their son has been taught to greet someone with a handshake.

Hal said he feels he knows what's appropriate and what's not.

"I think you should be able to shake hands, high-five and maybe a quick hug," he said. "Making out goes too far."

His parents said they agree that teenagers need to have clear limits but don't want their son to be taught that physical contact is bad.

"How do kids learn what's right and what's wrong?" Henri Beaulieu asked. "They are all smart kids, and they can draw lines. If they cross them, they can get in trouble. But I don't think it would happen too often."

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Pretty soon there'll be rules about how walking is inappropriate. basic locomotion as we know it is doomed!

THAT.IS.F**KING.TOTAL.BULLSHIT!

I hate how schools prohibit hugging, I mean, what's so damn wrong about it, it's not like they pull down their pants and have a quicky or anything while hugging.

I can sorta understand phohibiting it for the younger years, but not for the older teens, that's just ridicolous.

They're just being foolish and ignorant.

If a girl is too shy to say something about not wanting to be touched, then they should talk about speaking up not prohibiting any form of pysical contact as we know it.

A high five makes no sense either, gang signs yes but barely anyone high fives anymore anyway.

I've had times in my school were my friends where feeling like crap and i had to comfort them in some way. I can't hug them now? I just sit there and stare at them until the counselor comes? that's retarded.

they could never pull this off in a newyork school or any kind of big city cause the parents woulda been on they're asses so fast pople would have barely noticed that those rules had ever existed.

I agree SK, I'd love to seem them try that shit here in NYC..

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when they made that decision..

Wow, the idiocy of people never ceases to amaze me.

If anything, the opposite will occur.. teens rebel, so it is just a matter of time.

Next thing you know having friends will be banned in school.

B-But...i love hugs.

I would probably just ignore the silly rule. Screw them.

Wooot! (o.o)---b power to the rebelious! o wait, being rebelious isnt a good thing. or IS it in this case? O.o

If the U.S. didn't rebel, we'd be part of England. So some times it's good to rebel I guess. Just pick the right time and thing.

If a school wishes to stop phyical touching to stop violence, I belive that the schools state of mind is in the right place. The members of the school board have there hearts thinking only of the students.

However I would wish for a world in which a hand shake ment a handshake, and a hug simply ment you cared, that I would.
I belive that the school board should lift the newly created taboo of no touching, as a society, shure we have very wany words in our langue in which we can explain our fealings, but somethings just can't be put into words, that they can't.

Its never the action that is offensive in any case. Its the intentions in which the actions are ment. For that reason I belive that insted of a strickter code that more security measures should be set up so that bad things don't come of them, that I do.