Teenage Mutant Samurai Squirrels

[+ ClockHass]

I'm writing this because... I well felt like it. =P And it will continue! Keep tuned!
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Teenage Mutant Samurai Squirrels
Part 1 of many parts.

The art of the sword. A symbol of honor, skill, and ineffable aptitude. It was preserved through the samurai in Japan to be passed on through later generations. For hundreds of years it was the only way of life many knew, and its path was one of respect. When it fell much of it was forgotten… however… the ancient art reemerged without notice one year… Virtue was reborn in the hands of four…



Dan sat at the controls, half asleep with a box of donuts to his rights… His attention was absent minded, as he paid no attention to the position of his foot that laid directly on a lever that control the power of the plant in which he operated. If he were caught in such a lazy setting he’d certainly lose his job, especially with the carelessness he exerted…

Suddenly a door slammed opened… It was Bob the snitch. Dan slipped in fear of losing his job as he heard the massive sound. His foot had slipped and the lever fell off. The little energizer bunny that ran the plant escaped its cage then and suddenly a red light turned on.

“Oooooh…” Bob said, “I’m telling.”

“Relax,” Dan began, “Those red light mean it’s time to par-tay.”

“Um… No… I think they mean it’s time to get the hell out of here.”

“No, no. You see, I even have donuts for this occasion.”

“Donuts?” Bob questioned doubtfully. He thought for a moment… Then another moment. And a moment after. He took a third moment to finish off all the moments of thinking he’d taken time to think in of those moments. The English in that sentence was horrible… but anyways, Bob ignored that and continued to speak with the thought he’d conjured in those moments, “If you have donuts then it must be time to party.”

The two ate donuts and blasted trance music as the red lights flashed on and off. But it ended when a calm feminine voice spoke loudly throughout the PA. It said a few words before it shut off, “Your time to get the hell out of here has ended. Thank you for working at A.S.S Industries of Power and Supply. We will now blow you the hell up. Once again, thank you.”

“Ah shi-“ But Bob was stopped ass a massive explosion covered the power plant… The two workers died… And A.S.S Industries was destroyed without a trace is a T.V show… All that remained was the radiation of the plant surrounding the area, particularly on a pile of coincidentally set up radioactive acorns… 53 to be exact…

Around the area were four squirrels. They happily took the pile a feast. 3 of them ate one acorn while one of them saved 50 for himself. He ate all of them… In minutes a violent transformation began. Guts began flying everywhere… The guts of Bob and Dan! Their heads rolled all around and their organs twisted around trees like worms. They split on impact with some things as if being split by a knife… Then… Finally… The transformation ended. The squirrels had been mutated through a violence completely unrelated to their mutation of mutating.

Only one squirrel suffered any physical change… The one who ate 50 acorns. He became… green! Oh the horror. He was green. He had no defections or issues, but he was green! In fact, he had more abilities then the other squirrels were capable of having… But the horror of being green! Oh the horror!

“I’m… I’m… I’m… I’m… I’m… I’m green!” The oh so green green squirrel so greenly said in such perfectly green English.

“Yeah… you’re green… But we can talk… And I have no idea what talking was until I ate that acorn. In fact, I didn’t have to learn anything.” Said one of the squirrels, a dark gray in color.

“That you can…” The voice came from behind a tree… The only tree in the area for miles. Out from behind walked a mouse, scarred with thousands of splinters, with a twig that would appear to be a really lousy cane, “There is much you are destined for.”

“Destined for? What do you mean?” Asked a light gray squirrel.

“Mmm… I have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s just a cliché thing a master is supposed to say so I say it.” The wise mouse looked forward at the four squirrels, “I am Master Ihaveasplinter… and you four need names because I can’t just call you by color. That’d be stupid… Well I suppose I could… but it’d be stupid.”

“Oh! Me first! Me first! Me first!”

“Alright green one… You shall be Jean… Like Jean Simmons from KISS. It’s cool like that, right? Yo? G? Homie? Corn dawg? Yeah. Alrightee-cheerio.”

“Sweet I’m Jean!”

“And you, dark gray squirrel guy shall be James, named after James Hetfield of Metallica.”

James just looked away for a bit… Letting the master continue.

“You, light gray one shall be Kurt. Named after Kurt Cobain of Nirvana.”

“That’s cool!” Said Kurt.

“Finally… You black squirrel shall be Ozzy. Named after the legendary Ozzy Osbourne!!!”

“Sweet…” There was no enthusiasm in this one’s voice. He said it lamely, not because he didn’t care, but because everything he said was said lamely. Lame as a cow. Lame a howl. Lame as a bad set up crime. Lame as this rhyme.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait a second there!” James screeched with fury, “Why do I have to be James? Jean, Kurt, Ozzy. Now those aren’t everyday names. James is. Hell, Jim is a variant of James. So why the Hell do I have to be James?”

“Because… You are… like… a… weird… hickey…” Replied the master.

“Wha?”

“But that’s enough of this… It’s time you learned what your true purpose was. Your purpose as samurai.”

“Samurai?” Asked Kurt, “like-“

“Yes. Like like. Just like like. You are absolutely right like like. It’s like like like like. Of course it’s more then like like, there is honor in it, and candy. But mostly it’s like like. You must the learn the way, before your destiny can unfold.”

[Funk Master P]

Nice writing style, pretty unique.

but theres nothing I can really say past that cuz umm...wow. Awesome in a way that has no words.

[+ BlackCloudX]

wow thats really great start sae

mind if i make a theme song for it j/k

would have been cool.... 1-2-3-4 Squirrels!

[+ Soul_Gatherer3000]

... Will they hord nuts? And if they decide to use their samurai powers for evil, just once, make sure they grab enough Wii's for all the people who don't have one, ... or atleast me. J/k, ... or am I? Naw anywho I like it, some grammer, ... or is it grammar, and spelling errors but other than that it's supressed laughter funny.

[+ ClockHass]

Haha... Thanks. Usually I go back and check the grammar and spelling to make sure I didn't make mistakes but I didn't. There wasn't too much on the spelling side, it was more that I left out letters in words. =/

[+ Soul_Gatherer3000]

'Tis truly what I ment, y'know, drinking coffe shakes can help you stay focused for that extra boost of unforgetfullness.

[+ ClockHass]

I think I'll work on the next part ina couple of minutes or tomorrow. I've been meaning to rewrite this whole series... for about 3 years actually. =/

[+ Soul_Gatherer3000]

You've had this sereis in your brain for tree ears !?!

[+ ClockHass]

Yeah. I wrote it as a 6th grade writing project but I liked it so I wanted to rewrite it as a bigger series.

[+ Soul_Gatherer3000]

So, your in 9^th grade now? Anywho that's off topic, ... MORE SQUIRRELS NOW!!

[+ ClockHass]

btw.. I can't say this is an example of my best writing. =/ If I put forth more effort it would detain the humor.

[+ Soul_Gatherer3000]

What if you emphasized your skill on humor?

[+ blazermax]

When is the next one coming im waiting for too long here D:

[+ Soul_Gatherer3000]

I badger thee, pray thee, giveth us more squirrels, or giveth us thine head, the choice is thine.

[VirusZero]

Amusing, I find it pretty awesome that you named them after 4 great rock bands. Much better than those other guys who were named after painters... But just our of curiosity what's the main villian going to be? a leaf blower with a bad attitude? The rabid axe-man? or perchance Chainsaw charlie?